Prague Barbarian Excuses for Getting out

1. The sun was in my eyes.
2. The sun was suddenly blocked by clouds and I couldn’t adjust to the change in light.
3. I was outside the line of the off stump.
4. It pitched outside leg stump.
5. I was a long way down the pitch.
6. It was too high.
7. It was a great ball.
8. It was a terrible ball.
9. It didn’t bounce as much as I’d expected.
10. It bounced more than I’d expected.
11. I wasn’t ready.
12. I was too ready.
13. The music blaring out from the speakers at the circus next-door put me off.
14. I had too late a night out last night.
15. I slept too well last night.
16. My pads were on too tight and that put me off.
17. My left pad had come loose.
18. My right pad had come loose.
19. I thought he couldn't throw.
20. That pitch is a minefield.
21. The state of the match meant I couldn’t play my natural game.
22. The ball hit a rabbit dropping on the pitch.
23. It turned a mile.
24. I was distracted by the bird song.
25. I thought I was still playing indoor cricket.
26. The helmet was sweaty.
27. I forgot to put my box in.
28. I can’t believe I hit it to the only fielder who can catch.
29. I shouldn’t have taken a single off the last ball of the previous over.
30. I wanted to get out so I could go back to doing the scoring.
31. He chucks it.
32. It’s swinging like a banana.
33. I’m still drunk.
34. I hadn’t drunk enough before going in.
35. The umpire doesn’t know the rules.
36. I didn’t see the fielder.
37. I thought that fielder was the square leg umpire.
38. On a smaller field it would have been six.
39. The rain misted up my glasses.
40. It’s very slippery out there and I couldn’t turn quickly enough.
41. I never expected him to get to it.
42. Right off the middle, right off the middle.
43. I got some bat on it.
44. I didn’t get near it with the bat.
45. I’m not a high-pressure player.
46. The fielders were talking too much.
47. The shot was on but I just got into too good a position too early.
48. The ball was too slow for me.
49. Technically, I suppose, I was out.
50. Someone was moving behind the bowler’s arm.
51. It was so cold out there that I had to wear an extra jumper and that reduced the movement in my arms and that meant I couldn't chop down on the ball effectively enough.
52. I normally hit those balls.
53. I normally miss those balls.
54. I was distracted by the women’s football match going on next door.
55. I’ve never played well in Germany.
56. I’ve never played well in the Czech Republic.
57. I’ve never played well.
58. I’m the pinch hitter so it’s 6 or out with me.
59. The umpire’s just guessing.
60. Four appeals in a row. Of course, the umpire was going to give the next one.
61. A fly flew directly into my eye line just as the bowler was in his delivery stride.
62. I felt like Chris Gayle, but, of course, he plays on first-class pitches with an even bounce.
63. It came out of the trees.
64. The wind took it.
65. I suddenly remembered a fantastic quote from Bakunin and needed to tell English as soon as possible.
66. My concentration was broken by the drinks break.
67. My concentration was broken when I saw the drinks for drinks break being prepared.
68. My mouth was too wet after the drinks break.
69. The bowler’s sweat bands distracted me.
70. I wanted the others to have a chance.
71. I needed the loo.
72. Suddenly it occurred to me that maybe they’re right. Maybe cricket is a pointless activity. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Better to be a good son, a good father, a good brother, a good friend, a good colleague, better all those than to miss a straight ball.
73. Not again.
74. I felt sorry for the bowler.
75. I was so in awe of Monty’s batting that I just froze up and missed a straight one.
76. The umpire gave me the wrong guard.
77. The bat was too heavy for me.
78. I wasn’t paying attention during the PowerPoint presentations about how to deal with their bowling.
79. I’ve broken my arm in two places.
80. I’m Australian. It’s not in my nature to be good at cricket.
81. I needed to update my Facebook status.
82. The square leg umpire was smoking and this distracted me.
83. Look, Bradman got a duck in his final innings so we can’t all succeed all the time.
84. I’d never been out for a golden duck before, so on the upside that’s another thing I can tick off the list.
85. I was sick of being stuck at the non-strikers end all the time.
86. I couldn’t be bothered anymore.
87. He fooled me by bowling a straight one.
88. I suddenly sobered up and remembered I’m crap.
89. We had to push the run-rate on.
90. That’s the risk you take when you play risk-free cricket.
91. I danced down the wicket like Fred Astaire, like Fred Astaire playing cricket.
92. The bat handle was too thin for me.
93. Listen, if you’d been strip-searched the night before by the German police, you would have got out like that as well.
94. I played that shot faultlessly in the nets during the week.
95. I was concentrating too hard.
96. I knew that if I’d hit the ball properly I was in danger of breaking a car windscreen.
97. There’s a little crack here on the bottom of the bat and that was playing on my mind.
98. Well, I just hope the betting syndicate are happy.
99. My new jumper was too itchy.
100. The umpire said there were two to come, so I was only ready for one delivery.
101. I’m Shit.

Published/updated: 2014/03/18 - 15:41